The end

Well, tomorrow is Tuesday and I leave New Jersey to go back home. I've had a wonderful vacation, and today was especially wonderful since I first saw some cousins who I rarely get to see and then went to NYC with my uncle for a night on the town.

I love my family and it's hard living so far away from them. I mean, it's not like they all live in one state, but at least they aren't the entire country away from each other. I love my home though too. I love where I live. It's beautiful and wonderful and I don't want to leave it, so I end up feeling very torn. I wish I lived closer to my family, but of course I want to live where I live.

I think this entire paradox has been made much more emotional by the fact that I'm completely sleep deprived. Plus I think I got sunburned and my feet hurt a lot. Now I'm just whining, which means it's really time to say goodbye.

Cheers,

-T.A.D.

Sleepin' is all I wanna do

Wow. I saw the clock and freaked out because I thought I had missed my deadline, forgetting about the time difference. Yay, I'm still posting on time.

Anyway. Don't have much to say today. I'm hoping I'll have time to write a proper post tomorrow, but honestly I've been very busy on my vacation, which seems like an oxymoron and I'm not sure how I feel about it, but whatever.

I suppose I should report that Thomas' plan actually worked. "Nick" is a nice guy and I think he'll make a good internet/long distance friend. Either way, we're getting ice cream together tomorrow. My family is annoying and nosy though; I got home from the Magic tournament (and from talking to Nick) and was bombarded with questions. Some relatives said that ice cream was definitely a date, others didn't say, and (my favorite) my cousin (I'm too tired to come up with a fake name, too tired to even think of the WORD for a fake name. pseudonym? Ah, finally, spell check has confirmed) so I'll just say she's Patrick's sister) said "Well, that was my mom and dad's first date, and look how that turned out." She was referring to the fact that they are now happily married with six children.

Family overload has commenced. Shut down cycle has been initiated to preserve what is left of my sanity. Admittedly, that's not much.

Sleep well, or if you're reading this at a different time, then "______" well to whatever you're planning on doing next.

Cheers,

-T.A.D.

We know that we will always be around

Friends are pretty damn wonderful, aren't they?

In my experience, I've found that friends are the people that have the most potential to either make you feel wonderful or make you feel terrible. Getting cheered on and encouraged by friends is so much better than getting encouraged by strangers. In fact, that can be a little creepy if you have no idea where they came from or how they learned your name. And while it's easy to walk away from an insult or some other shit that a stranger throws at you, I've found that it's really not nearly as easy to take that from a friend.

It makes sense when you think about it. You let friends in, close to your heart, so they have a greater chance of healing or harming your heart. We trust our friends, so when they say something that chances are they don't even mean, it's really hard to just let it go. Those comments stick with you like bristles in your socks.

But when you're in a bad patch, it's your friends that you count on to stick with you, just like those bristles. I have a handful of friends who have stuck with me through rain and shine, and who I know (or hope) always will. Perhaps it's just my own experience, since I know that Patrick, my cousin and one of my best friends ever, has a different opinion about family, but I've found that friends are the family you choose. You don't have to love them, you choose to love them. Isn't that so much more powerful?

Here's an example: As the child of four parents, I know that all of them (in a sense) chose me. My biological mom and dad wanted another kid after my sister was born, and so here I am. I don't mean to imply anything by my next comment, since I love all my parents equally, but I get so blown away by the fact that my NON-biological mom and dad walked into my life and chose to make me their daughter. My step-mom came into my life when I was eleven months old, and my step-dad came when I was around 7. I love the fact that they had the chance to choose; to reject; and they chose me.

So when I get close to a friend, or even a member of my family, I love hitting that point in our relationship where the friendship becomes a choice. You have to love your family, but you don't necessarily have to like them. My cousin Patrick is one of my best friends, and that isn't because of convenience or because he's my cousin. It's because we both chose one another. Sometimes you get to that point, I know I have, and you or the other person is disappointed by the choice that is made. Because you don't get chosen every time. And that's what makes it so much more powerful when you do get chosen. You can look back to the times when you weren't chosen and prove that maybe the person who didn't choose you made a mistake.

This whole concept of choosing is so powerful. It applies to almost every relationship. My dog chose me, and I chose her. My step-brother chose me. Half of my parents chose me. Patrick chose me even though his religion says that I'm going to hell. Isn't that incredible? We have to be careful about the choices we make though, because, as I said at the beginning of the post, the people we choose and who choose us are then given so much potential, both for harm or for good.

So make your friends happy you chose them. And make sure they know you're happy they chose you back.

Cheers,

-T.A.D.

Secret candy

The title of today's blog is also the title of a song/poem by an artist I really enjoy. Her poetry always makes me think, and I've thought out several topics that I could talk about based on lines from her songs. Today's lyric is as follows:

"I ain't got no 'tience this time of year/for all you frat boys dissin' on the queers"

July has begun and June is over, and so another year of pride parades have happened all over the country. My sister and I used to go with our dads to pride every year, but I haven't been in several years. We have relatives that live across the country and so our summers get packed full of trips and visits. I love visiting with my relatives, but I do regret not being able to show my support at Pride. I am passionate about equality, and I find it to be a great injustice that my parents aren't allowed to be married.

I feel extremely lucky to have been raised in the environment that is my family. I have learned that families come in all shapes, colors, sizes, and many different mixes of parents. I've lived in Seattle for the entirety of my remembered life (other than flashes), so I have been fortunate in that regard as well. As a whole, the greater Seattle area is very progressive and open to homosexuality.

I don't want today's post to be about my family situation though. I want to talk about the issues in a broader sense. Shortly after pride, I was on Facebook. A friend of mine had her status as a link to this article. I read it and was amazingly moved by the content. In case you don't want to read it, here's a quick overview: this year there was a different kind of Christian demonstration at some pride parades across the country; namely Chicago. Groups of Christians went wearing black t-shirts that read "I'm sorry" on the front of them, and carrying signs that said things like "I'm sorry for how the church has treated you."

I know that Catholicism and many of the other major religions say that homosexuality is wrong, and I've listened to many arguments about how God created man and woman to be together. But I know from my own experience that love is not meant to be curbed or stopped. I look around at all the "wrong" in the world, and I cannot bring myself to believe that any two people loving each other is anything less than beautiful.

I only wish the rest of the world could see that sometimes.

I think it's easy to stand back, not knowing anyone personally who is gay or lesbian or bi, and say that it's wrong. I think it gets much harder to say that something is wrong when someone you love or at least know is doing it.

Anyway, amidst all the stories that come out after pride about demonstrations where people carried signs that said "God hates the fags," this story really touched me.

Cheers,

-T.A.D.