In my experience, I've found that friends are the people that have the most potential to either make you feel wonderful or make you feel terrible. Getting cheered on and encouraged by friends is so much better than getting encouraged by strangers. In fact, that can be a little creepy if you have no idea where they came from or how they learned your name. And while it's easy to walk away from an insult or some other shit that a stranger throws at you, I've found that it's really not nearly as easy to take that from a friend.
It makes sense when you think about it. You let friends in, close to your heart, so they have a greater chance of healing or harming your heart. We trust our friends, so when they say something that chances are they don't even mean, it's really hard to just let it go. Those comments stick with you like bristles in your socks.
But when you're in a bad patch, it's your friends that you count on to stick with you, just like those bristles. I have a handful of friends who have stuck with me through rain and shine, and who I know (or hope) always will. Perhaps it's just my own experience, since I know that Patrick, my cousin and one of my best friends ever, has a different opinion about family, but I've found that friends are the family you choose. You don't have to love them, you choose to love them. Isn't that so much more powerful?
Here's an example: As the child of four parents, I know that all of them (in a sense) chose me. My biological mom and dad wanted another kid after my sister was born, and so here I am. I don't mean to imply anything by my next comment, since I love all my parents equally, but I get so blown away by the fact that my NON-biological mom and dad walked into my life and chose to make me their daughter. My step-mom came into my life when I was eleven months old, and my step-dad came when I was around 7. I love the fact that they had the chance to choose; to reject; and they chose me.
So when I get close to a friend, or even a member of my family, I love hitting that point in our relationship where the friendship becomes a choice. You have to love your family, but you don't necessarily have to like them. My cousin Patrick is one of my best friends, and that isn't because of convenience or because he's my cousin. It's because we both chose one another. Sometimes you get to that point, I know I have, and you or the other person is disappointed by the choice that is made. Because you don't get chosen every time. And that's what makes it so much more powerful when you do get chosen. You can look back to the times when you weren't chosen and prove that maybe the person who didn't choose you made a mistake.
This whole concept of choosing is so powerful. It applies to almost every relationship. My dog chose me, and I chose her. My step-brother chose me. Half of my parents chose me. Patrick chose me even though his religion says that I'm going to hell. Isn't that incredible? We have to be careful about the choices we make though, because, as I said at the beginning of the post, the people we choose and who choose us are then given so much potential, both for harm or for good.
So make your friends happy you chose them. And make sure they know you're happy they chose you back.
Cheers,
-T.A.D.
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