There is a wide spectrum between head thinking and heart thinking, and I would say that most people find a place in a median section. I like to think that I'm someone who is pretty balanced between thinking with my head and thinking with my heart. I'm probably slightly more towards the heart side of the spectrum, but I'm definitely in the middle 1/4 of the spectrum. It's something we learn as kids I think. At first, everyone thinks with feelings, and so we get hurt and learn from those hurtful experiences. Sometimes people decide that listening to their heart more is more helpful and sometimes people decide that listening to their head is more helpful. I've finally found the right balance (for me) of head and heart, but it was a long time of trial by error. Everyone comes to a place on the spectrum.
The real trouble, in my opinion, is when the place people find is at the very ends of either side of this spectrum. Let's make up an example.
[DISCLAIMER: while these examples are based on people I know, I am drawing the extreme examples from a variety of people I know, so neither "Friend 1" nor "Friend 2" actually exists. I don't personally know anyone at the very very tips of the spectrums, so this example is exaggerated]
Friend 1, let's call her Jill, is a head thinker. She prefers science and logic. Emotions don't make much sense to her, and she puts them aside because they cloud her judgement. There's nothing wrong with this way of thinking, but what I see as the problem is that her inability to understand her own emotions translates and spreads into an inability to understand many people's emotions, including but not limited to Friend 2. Jill has problems communicating her own feelings with herself, let alone the people she is close to, and this can be frustrating to the people in her life. Jill also finds herself very distant from situations, and she almost observes herself as merely a bystander, watching from the sidelines.
Jill has one friend in particular who she has a very hard time relating to.
Friend 2, let's call him Joe, is a heart thinker. He prefers to make judgements based on his feelings and what he feels is right rather than what people are "supposed" to do. He relies on his emotions for most decisions he makes. Again, there's nothing really wrong with this way of thinking, but Joe has some problems of his own. He finds himself very vulnerable since his emotions are so "out there." He is easily hurt because of his tendency to take most things personally. Joe has great difficulty distancing himself from situations. He puts himself in the middle of conflicts and so gets hurt. He, like all people, makes mistakes sometimes, and when he does, or when people around him do, he finds it hard to let go of the emotions surrounding past mistakes.
Jill and Joe have a hard time getting along. Joe feels hurt, as though Jill is distancing herself from him on purpose, and so he is constantly wondering what he's done wrong. Meanwhile, Jill is pretty much oblivious to the difficulties Joe is having, so when he mentions them, she claims that his feelings are absurd and inaccurate, which, while they are, is something that hurts Joe's feelings even more. He feels like she doesn't make an effort to understand him and thinks that Jill would be better off if she listened to her feelings more. Jill thinks that Joe can be silly about some things and she thinks that he would be better off if he used logic more.
Which one is right? Well, I think they both are. Jill needs to make more of an effort to understand her own feelings so that she can relate more to her friends. And Joe needs to think things through more and distance himself.
I have been Jill-like and Joe-like in different times in my life, and I'm much happier in my Joel state: a mixture.
Cheers,
-T.A.D.
P.S. I feel pretty accomplished now. Today is officially my blog's one month birthday. To my readers: even though you are small in number, I love you so much and thank you for your support. This is so much fun to do, and I love knowing that there are some people out there who read my blog daily.
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