Why can't we be friends?

First of all, points to anyone who is sensing a theme in the titles (wow, all TWO of them). Yes, I love music and I am going to continue to attempt to make each blog title correspond to a song. You get brownie points if you comment with the artist and or song name. (Unless it's you, cousin Patrick)

You get the basic rules, but not the specifics. There's only so much that can be taught about being friends with people, and then you're left on your own. You don't know because maybe you aren't supposed to know. Maybe friendship, generally thought of as one of the most universally easy relationships to make and maintain, is not so simple. Friendship evolves and grows with you because friendship is as much a part of you as your nose.

Maybe that's why some people have to be taught how to share and to others, sharing is a natural instinct. We are taught that we make friends with people once we get to know them; that once we are in a friendship, we know the person. But in reality, getting to know someone and becoming friends with them are both things that need to be nurtured and continued. It is an expansive process, not just an agreement. You cannot ever know someone completely because people never stop growing. There is always more to know.

There is always more to love.

Because people never stop growing, the opportunities for change in friendships are endless. Some examples from my own life feature the good and the bad.

The bad: I've actually had this happen to me a few times. I get into these cycles where I feel like I know someone and they know me and we're both comfortable with that. Then something shifts, someone grows. And it's nobody's fault, but all of a sudden, we just don't click like we used to. While this is a hard thing to accept, I have found that letting go of blame or anger or sadness helps a lot. Two people make a friendship, and two people break a friendship. Yes, there are situations where this isn't true, where one person clearly does something that causes a fight.

The good: When I was a little kid, I used to see some of my cousins a lot more than I do now. In particular, I was really close to a cousin (let's call him Patrick) who was only four months (and four days) older than me. Then, for a multitude of reasons, almost none of them having to do with Patrick and I, we stopped seeing each other. We tried and failed to keep in touch frequently. Years went by, and it's not like I forgot about him or anything, but he just wasn't part of my life. A few summers ago, I saw him for a day. We hung out and after a few hours realized: "Holy crap. We're like... the SAME person."

I'm sitting in his house right now, after flying across the country to attend his graduation. And he's downstairs waiting to read this blog.

I think all I'm trying to say is, with friendship, you have to take the good and the bad. It's only through the bad that we grow and make room for new good. Always let people surprise you too. "Patrick" and I have a few fundamental differences, but we still end up being more similar than not.

I'll try to have something a little funnier and less... philosophical, though that's not the right word, tomorrow.

Until then,

-T.A.D.